Here are all of the jokes that I have come up with over the years.  Hey, I can still come up with jokes, even though I’m dead!  Anyway, if you have a joke, then feel free to send it to the e-mail address provided, and then I’ll post it here.  Of course, if the joke is rude, then it shall not be getting posted here, no matter how tempting it might be.  You see, even ghosts have limits…


      1)  How does a chimp open a door?

It uses a mon-key!

       2)  What’s the fastest cord

A concord!

      3) How do ghosts get into their houses?

They use a spoo-key!

       4)  What do ferrets do with their money?

They trans-ferret into the bank!

5) Why are ghosts always happy?

Because they are in high spirits!

6) What did one road say to the other road?

I was tired earlier, but now I’m back on track!

7) What do you call an ugly ant?

A mutant!

8) What do you call an ant that can’t speak?

A mute-ant!

9) Person 1:  “I drank some orange juice last night.”

Person 2:  “Where’s the punch line?”

10) Why did the duck not cross the road?’

Because it was wading for the red light!

11) Why do people hate insects?

Because they are full of malice!

12) What did the couch say before it got sat on?

Well, sofa so good!










13) Where do fish get the train?

At the crustacean!

14) What did the big plate say to the little plate?

You’re easy to bowl over!

15) What did one plate say to the other plate during the cricket match?

It’s your turn to bowl!

16) Why did the ice cream leave the army?

Because he was a desserter!

17) What do you call a piano with no strings?


18) What kind of music do ghosts like listening to?


19) What do you call a dinosaur that stinks?

A Tyrannosaurus Reeks!

20) What do you call a ghost detective?

An inspectre!

21) Why do people not bet on phantoms to win races?

Because they don’t have a ghost of a chance!

22) What do you call a monkey who has won the Olympics?

A Chimpion!

23) What do pigeons have for breakfast?

Coo coo pops!